Dear Nintendo Wii,
We’ve had a fun year, haven’t we?
You were the first gaming system I ever owned, besides my sister’s hand-me-down original game boy. I never really got into gaming before you. I suppose it was a general lack of hand-eye coordination, mental processing capacity, or the distinct lack of a violent streak. But then one day my friend introduced me to one of your delightful dancing games, maybe it was the cold weather that was keeping me from running (something I’m also terrible at), but I thought a Wii would be a great workout aid in the winter.
Fast forward ten months and I’m slumped over in my beanbag chair, bottle of diet V8 splash on the floor next to me, hands cramping and eyesight swimming. I’m hours away from beating another game to completion, if I could just get those last few gold bricks…
And so this is goodbye, my friend. You’ve kept me locked inside for far too long, and it’s time for your powerful hold on me to come to an end. I have a life to lead, and you were holding me back. Sure, it was comforting to stifle my creativity in that beanbag chair, focusing only on the task at hand and NOT what my next scene would be about. Or what I would cook next. Or what I’m going to do with my life.
But in all honesty, it’s not me, it’s you. You simply don’t have the video quality or gaming selection that the Playstation can offer me. I’ve played through most of your games, and I’m looking for something a little more advanced. You understand, don’t you? Of course I’m not going to get rid of you, I still enjoying getting my groove on with your dancing games. But for the rest of my games? I am putting them somewhere where they can’t distract me from doing shit with my life.
And if you’ll excuse me, I have a goddamn book to write.
*Slow clap as I walk away*